Archive.
Sunday, October 31, 2004 Link
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If as a kid I had ever managed to convince myself to actually go out on Hallowe'en night, I might have considered the following as a possible costume. I had a major Tonka meets Billy Blastoff meets Joe 90 sort of aesthetic going on back in 1969. I probably could have pulled it off too, if I hadn't been such a big chicken about getting gussied up on all-hallows eve.
Friday, October 29, 2004 Link
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The available domain name of the week is copperplated.com
Thursday, October 21, 2004 Link
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If I did have all the answers (hell, even a few of them...), perhaps I would be able to address some of the queries impressed upon me in the daily glop of unsolicited email. It's rather like having a several mini vans worth of babbling pre-schoolers following you around all day, asking why the dog smells funny. At any rate, here is my attempt to quickly answer 72 of the questions posed to me in the subject lines of today's spam. The questions are listed alphabetically, not in chonological order, creating some rather serendipitous dialog along the way.
Are you for it?
It? It what? Could you be more specific?
Are you single?
No.
Bad credit?
Yes, they spelled my name wrong again in the colophon.
Can we go over Delmer's budget today?
Sure. Snicker. Delmer... hee, hee.
Craving coffee?
Always.
Did you seen this?
See what?
Do you believe in ghosts?
I just said I didn't see it. Jeeze.
Do you hate photo cops?
No. However, I can't stand photo ops. Grip and grin nonsense.
Do you need to fix your computer?
Yes. I keep getting all this spam.
Do you trust the media?
Not so much floppy disks, but the CD-Rs seem to hold up ok.
Do you want a Rolex in $75 - $275?
Hmmm... that's pretty cheap. What's wrong with it?
Do you wish you could stop smoking?
No. I love cured meats.
Do you?
Yes, I do.
Does this make you happy now?
Like I said, I love cured meats.
Fed up with Bush/Kerry?
Not yet. Ask me after the election.
Flu shots?
Color or black and white? Is processing included?
Got meds?
You spelt milk wrong.
Guess what?
What?
Have you heard of Rolex timepieces?
Yes, you mentioned them before.
Haven't I done enough?
Well, you've told me about the Rolexes twice now.
Hey there, how are you today?
Well, it's about time you asked.
Hi, how are you today?
Um... fine, I guess.
Hi, how are you?
Oh shut up.
How can we make this happen?
By shutting up.
How could you do this to me?
Sorry, you were being repetitive.
How could you do this?
What did I just tell you?
How smart do you think you are?
Apparently not smart enough to stop answering all these questions.
Is it for you?
It again? What's with this it?
Is it really that hard to do?
No, I just type on this keyboard here.
Is that your document?
No. It's the one you just sent me, moron.
Is this your $2,971.43?
Maybe. Let me check my wallet.
Is your car still under warranty?
Yes.
Is your home or office low on ink supply?
No, but my patience is a bit thin.
Life premiums too high?
Since when have there been premiums on life?
Looking for a new bingo site to play at?
No. However, I am looking for cheap high-quality software.
Looking for cheap high-quality software?
Hey, how did you know?
Looking for me?
I was, but I talked to Delmer about the budget instead.
Losing weight impossible?
Why? Do you think I'm fat?
Low on ink?
Stop changing the subject. You just said I looked fat.
Maybe today?
You probably think I'm fat all the time.
Need 500 USD now?
You can't buy me an apology. Jerk.
Need a new card?
A card would be nice sometimes. And flowers...
Need a new computer?
No. Just some cheap high-quality software to run on it.
Need emergency cash until payday?
Not if the high-quality software is cheap enough.
Need help paying your mortgage?
Yes. But not the insurance.
No insurance?
Hello... what did I just say?
Not worth to pay retail price for softwares?
Did you pay retail for that spell checker?
Pregnant?
No.
Remember that guy?
Yes I do. That's why I'm not pregnant.
Rolex?
What part of no didn't you understand?
Sars viruses?
Actually, I'm sans viruses.
Sexual frustrated?
Grammatically frustrated?
She told me you want a Rolex?
She was lying.
Did I send this to you?
I'm reading now, aren't I?
Still on your list?
Not if you keep asking if I want a Rolex.
Sweetheart wants a Rolex?
Nice try. No.
Think you like eBay?
Think nothing... I know I like eBay.
Tired of being fat?
I'm still mad at you about calling me fat the first time.
Too much management, not enough customer relationships?
No, just too much spam.
Want a flat screen?
Is that another fat comment?
Want a Rolex?
Aarrggh.
Want banks to compete for your mortgage?
No. I want banks to pay my mortgage. But not my insurance.
Want to surprise her?
With a Rolex? Forget it.
We have no overhead, why should you?
I suppose there would be some benefit to that.
What are u waiting for?
For my overhead to be removed, I guess.
What is this?
It's overhead.
Why did you say that?
Because you asked the question.
Why is coral water so healthy?
Because you can charge more for it.
Why pay for over priced prescription drugs?
Hell, why pay for over priced coral water?
Why pay so much for one little pill?
It's not about the size of the pill.
Will your income fall 30% in 2005?
Ask me after the election.
Would you like a government grant?
I wouldn't know what to do with my own government.
Would you like to refinance?
I'd like to get the last few minutes of my life back.
Wednesday, October 20, 2004 Link
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Taking a few random kicks at uniplatform, hegemonic muck is a worthwhile cause anytime of the year, but helping promote the launch of an browsing alternative designed to knock Internet Explorer's teeth out to the curb... well, that's even better. If you'd like to add a bit of your own grease to the wheel, head over to Spread Firefox and donate a couple duckets to help place an full-page ad in the New York Times proudly announcing the release of this spiffy bit of open source love.
Saturday, October 16, 2004 Link
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Mark Simonson somehow managed to mash three of my favourite obsessions - typography, computer hardware, and Lego® - into one marvelous example of basement ingenuity. His typositor film scanning jig is not so much a Rube Goldberg-style, single-use contraption as it is simply another example of how Lego is the best and most flexible rapid application development tool for mechanized ideas. Sort of a HyperCard with plastic bricks, if you will.
Tuesday, October 12, 2004 Link
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Ah, it's so refreshing to see respected news outlets such as CNN and Reuters finally using the same "highly reliable sources" that stalwart rumor-mongering institutions such as ThinkSecret have relied on for years. If you're going to hang it all out and pimp the hype, you better have your facts straight, right?
Wednesday, October 06, 2004 Link
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Garage. 2nd Avenue Northwest, Calgary.
Sunday, October 03, 2004 Link
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The available domain name of the week is ejecutive.com
Friday, October 01, 2004 Link
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Through one method of deduction or another, you may have come to the conclusion that there is not much of late that excites the author of this weblog to point of actually writing something about it. Sporadic web publishing schedule aside, there are plenty of things that do (and have been known to) get me hot, bothered, excited and otherwise excited.
For instance, I became an uncle for the fourth time this week. My wife's sister and her husband welcomed sweet little Brooke into the chilly autumn air. That's darn exciting. Coincidentally, Jeffrey and Carrie finally launched their latest progenetic project - Ava Marie Zeldman - the very same evening. Heartfelt congratulations all around.
Speaking of progeny, my eldest daughter finished off her first months worth of junior high school and is no worse for wear. She is apparently still excited and is enjoying the whole experience without issue. I'm just feeling a might older than I should.
Ok, now this is definitely exciting in a generally geekish sort of way... I slapped together a series of AppleScripts that allow me to (among other things) duplicate some of the functionality that I have sorely missed since switching carte blanche from Claris Emailer to Apple Mail at the office. The scripts offer the ability to easily flag and toggle message attributes indicating whether something has been forwarded, redirected or replied to. Additionally, I can now edit the subject lines of filed messages to better organize my archives. Somebody remind me to post these scripts to the site so that others may bask in the splendour of it all.
Oh, and don't read anything into the lyrical Warren Zevon reference found in the title of this post. I'm certainly not that kind of excitable.
It's articles like this one about Daniel Burka's continuing quest for his favourite favicons that reinstates my belief that the real art of minimalist icon design didn't die off with the photorealistic dreck dumped on us with OS X. I'm sorry kids, but these are not iconic, no matter how you interpret the definition of the term.
Furthermore.
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